Endless loop

I m stuck in this endless loop, 

I feel like I m some kind of a rube,

The girl who hurt me,

The girl who betray me,

I still miss her like a pathetic fool,

About this sudden end, I m still not cool,

Why do I still think of you like my family?

Why can`t I forget you with some normality?

Normality seems a far impossible goal,

I m now breaking down I sincerely need some damage control,

It seems it’s like a joke for you,

But I still fight every day to live through,

You angered me and grounded me,

But you were the only person who ever loved me,

In this dark world, I still seek you,

I still seek your hands to hold on to you,

You were the worth of every loss I ever bear,

But all these hatreds from your lips, I never deserved to hear,

I try to disappear from your life,

But I return to you like a bee to its hive,

Live seems like a haunted castle without you,

After all the pain, I still hope to return to that lovely relationship it used to, 

You were above all, even above myself,

I still write about you daily, cuz this heartbreak is really heartfelt,